SECTION CLOSED !!!

This section is now closed.

Wise Advice is now a column in our PEOPLE section.
BellaTheWise Jewell will be reporting from the people section with her new logo ontop.

This Really Irks Me!

Dear Bella,

I have been a SL resident for a few months now and I love it. There is always something new to see and someplace new to explore.

My problem is my friends. They get onto SL and then they just stay in one place all the time and never go anywhere or try anything new that SL has to offer. They just use it as an IM with cartoons and dancing.

How can I show them what they are missing?

"Troubled Traveler"


Dear Troubled Traveler,

Your friends obviously lack imagination! And to be honest, I'm not sure how you cultivate an imagination in someone who doesn't have the capacity for flights of fancy and day dreaming and fantastical thought.

We can change our whole appearance with a single click of a mouse - be eight feet tall; have breasts that would poke a parson's eye out; change an entire outfit with another click of the mouse; meet someone on Monday and be married before Tuesday. We get given free houses, cars, aeroplanes, money grows on trees and we don't have to take time out of our busy days to eat or go to the toilet!

And these people just want to sit around and chat!?

What can you do with someone who doesn't get excited by the thought of being able to TELEPORT, or ride on a magic carpet, or being shot out of a cannon? If the buildings with SEX just oozing out of them, doesn't get them out of the house, what will? Opera? Yeah, Second Life has that! Sport? Second Life has that too! Philosophical discussions? There's probably one on every day of the week!

Sex. Money. Free Clothes. Beautiful Scenery. A Group for Every Fetish Known To Man - I mean, there's a group for people who like having sex with nappies on for god's sake! These people must be brain dead not to get a LITTLE excited about what Second Life has to offer!

I guess the alternative is to bring SL to them. Invite some gangsters around. A gorean or two. A couple of fuzzies and a space cadet. And how about a stripper and a hobo while you're at it? Buy some BDSM gear for your next party.

And if you still can't get them excited about SL - drop your friends and invite me around! lol

All the best Traveller - some people are too boring to live!

Bella

Not As Young As You Look?

BELLA DEAR. I AM 71 YEARS OLD AND LOVE TO READ YOUR TALES.

WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON OLD PEOPLE NOT TELLING THEY ARE OLD BUT PRETENDING THEY ARE STILL YOUNG ?

YOUNG FLOWER


My Dear Young Flower,

We are all completely AGELESS here in Second Life. Everyone is pretending! There are no wrinkles, or farty old bums or saggy breasts - it's marvellous! The closest we're all likely to get to heaven while we're still living.

We all accept that none of us REALLY look like we're portray ourselves, so it's not as though people will think you are pretending if you don't 'fess up to being 187 years old.

Probably the only time age IS relevant is when you start taking your clothes off and getting all kissey-kissey. Some people don't care whether you're 16 or 60, but others may want to give you the third-degree. But you will have an idea of a person's maturity (or lack of) when you're talking to them, so it's not as though you really do need to know.

I always promote honesty - if someone asks and you want to tell them, do; but if they ask, and you don't want to reveal, just tell them you want to remain ageless. If they're unhappy about that, then you'll have to find yourself another kissing partner!

But getting back to the 'pretending' bit - everything here is a fantasy. It's life how we would IDEALLY like it to be - and I don't know a soul on earth who WANTS to grow old, so if your MIND is still 20, then your body doesn't let you down here.

Go for it! Enjoy what this life can give you, that the 'other' life (first life as I prefer to call it since SL is more real to me) can't ever do. Allow you to live your dreams without being trapped by the ageing process.

There are a lot of hot mamas out there, I can tell you! And who knows, I may have even cuddled up with a grandpa or two! (While I was slipping into something "more comfortable", they could have been slipping out their false teeth!) lol As long as they still looked like my dream lover in here.

XXXXX



(Photo above - my favourite - taken by Paolo Bade, who has an exhibition on at the Raft Gallery at the moment - check it out!)

A Helping Hand

Hi there bella,

My wife and I have built an office complex designed to help people starting up a new business. The buildings are constructed but I am just lousy when it comes to landscaping a garden area.

We will be offering start up businesses special rental deals because when we first came to SL we had a business surrounded by strip joints, drunks and griefers and it was just so bad that we thought we would give other new businesses a helping hand when we were better established ourselves.

But I can't find anyone who can do the landscaping for me in return for two months free rent in our office building. Do you know anyone who can help?

"Can't landscape worth a damn!"

Dear Lousy Landscaper,

Matchmaking lovers and sweethearts is more my deal, but let me do this random act of kindness and see if we can find you a Landscaper.

So, dear readers, is there anyone out there who just LOOOOOVES designing gardens and landscapes? Do you thrill at the challenge of positioning a bridge just right over that sweet little brook? Does your heart sing when you plant petunias? Do you go into raptures at the thought of little songbirds settling in the branches of your oak? Well, this could be the gig for you! Two months free office rent, which could come in handy for anyone wanting to set up professionally as a landscaper.

Contact me by IM, notecard or email and I shall give you a landmark so you can check out the job, and put you in touch with my correspondent.

Bella

P.S. All you lonely lovers out there - I'm always up for a bit of matchmaking you know! So contact me if you're lookin' for love. (I hasten to add - matchmaking for other people!)



(Photo above was taken by Paolo Bade who has an exhibition on at the moment. I just love this photo so much I couldn't resist placing it again here).

Nudie!

Dear Bella,

What do you think about having nude pictures up in the house?

My partner has made one of me and wants it in our bedroom. I normally wouldn't have a problem with that, but everyone can see everything in SL if they zoom with their camera. Also I know it's just pixels but feel uncomfortable with it, but also love to please my partner.

It's a nice erotic picture too. What should I do ?

Nude, Or Not To Nude?


Dear Nudie,

I'm all for it. Take it off, I say! If it's good enough for God to bring us into the world naked, I reckon we should at least pay homage to his handiwork from time to time and go naked.

Erotic art on bedroom walls is almost de rigeur. There should be more of it. In fact, I think you should take a pic of your partner and have them up, side by side. (If you can find some way of taking a photograph of a man naked without making people laugh at dangly bits that is!)

I honestly don't know what the fuss is about not having any clothes on. I fantasise about what it would be like if we all walked around naked, so a few pics up in the privacy of your own home should be quite acceptable.

And for any peeping toms out there, well, for goodness sake, get a life! Your own preferably and stop peering in at other people's!

A friend of a friend here in Second Life, ABSOLUTELY REFUSES to wear clothes and just won't go anywhere if clothing is obligatory. And in my own wonderfully bohemian life, I have lived on a nude beach where I made love and showered under waterfalls - as close to God as it's possible to get here on earth, I would think.

Yours in nudity,
Bella

Got A Question For Me?

COME ON FOLKS, let me have it! I just love solving problems and easing heartache - so if you have a problem, or a dilemma or just want to vent, I'd love to hear from you.

Challenge me! Make me cry. Give me hell!

Drop a notecard into my inventory - BellaTheWise Jewell or email me at BellaTheWise@gmail.com

If I like your letter, I might just give you a surprise present or invite you to my salon or who knows ...?

Love and kisses (or maybe a wagging finger and a sharp tongue!) lol

Bella

Addicted

Hey bella babee

You seem to have it all together, so what's your answer for me huh? I'm just so damn addicted to this game. It's got a reall hold on me that nothing else interests me. I live on my own so there is nothing else to do but stay in here and visit places, meet lots of ladies, fly my plane, have lots of sex, build my muscles, go to clubs and have the time of my life!

When I go to work I can't leave SL alone either, and I've nearly been sprung so many times by my boss but I just can't stop coming to SL. One of my workmates has threatened to report me cos she says I'm slacking off, but the pull of SL is so strong I just don't care. I can't give up my morning delight, my afternoon delight, my evening delight.

Where is this going to take me?

"Addicted"


Dear Addicted,

Don't ask me! I'm just as bad as you are! lol When you find a place that answers all your needs, why would you want to be anywhere else?

I've hardly seen the 'outside world' since I came here and my first life (SL is REAL life for me!) freelance writing work has gone down the toilet. Who has time for work when there is SL!

I'm always thinking, "I'll just stay on until it's 10am" ... and then it becomes 11 and then I think, "Oh well, I might as well do it until lunchtime and then start work after lunch" and of course I forget to even HAVE lunch and when I look at the clock again it's 3 o'clock and it's hardly worth getting started on anything then! So it's another all-nighter and of course, the next time I'm too jagged to do any 'outside' (i.e. first life) work!

The only thing I can suggest is that you at least TRY to establish some sort of schedule. The one I TRY to adhere to is be off Second Life at 9am and then come back on at 7pm (after I have walked my dog and had some dinner, so at least I get one meal a day!) BUT my darling partner is in a different time zone, which means that it's very tempting to extend the 9am deadline.

And of course there are so many interesting things to see and do here. The literary world here is just BURSTING with talks, and poetry readings, and fascinating people to talk to - which of course makes it very easy for me to convince myself that if I stay and participate, I really am working! lol

Again, I'll open it up to our readers - what disciplines do you have to make sure Second Life doesn't take over your life? Should we even resist the urge? If I could, I'd live in Second Life forever. I know I'm not the only person in SL who is still at the keyboard even when they are literally falling asleep at the keyboard! I've gotten so tired I'm almost weeping.

The only time I venture away from Second Life is to walk my dog and last night I went to a FAAAAAABULOUS masquerade ball with the theme of "The Labyrinth" and I only went to that because I wanted to experience the colour and magic and fantasy that I experience every day in Second Life in my first life.

So maybe the only suggestion I can make is get a dog who needs walking, or maybe get married? Move into a shared house where there is at least some other human companionship to tempt you away. Do you really want to be enticed away from SL?

"Bella The Addicted"

Is It The Real Thing?

Dear Bella,

How do you know if you have found true love in Second Life? How can you trust it? Love seems to come so quickly here and I have fallen head over heels in love, but I have also seen love disappear just as fast. Is love different here? I know sex is easy to get, but is love? How can I tell if it's the real thing?

"Looking For Love"

Dear “Looking For Love,

Second Life can be a place where all your dreams come true. We are all young and beautiful and popular, with the world at our feet. It's a heady mix. Fantasy, love, desire, passion, beauty, sex ... everything is ours. No wonder emotions are heightened. I know someone who fell in love in the time it took to have just one dance!

You will only know if you have found true love if it lasts! And time is so illusionary here in SL. For some people, a marvellous affair of two weeks can have more excitement and thrills than a three year relationship in First Life. It all depends on what you are looking for.

If you want some indication of whether the object of your affections has sincere and loving feelings for you, here are some very good indicators.

1. Quality Time - a couple needs to spend quality time together to get to know one another. There's nothing better than snuggling on the couch or in bed just chattin' about this and that. If you have nothing to talk about, well ... there isn't going to be a lot of subtance to your relationship.

2. Physical Touch - physical expressions of love and desire bring a couple closer together. Not just sex. Back rubs, foot massages, hair brushing, tickling, snuggling, whispers, hand holding ...

3. Acts of Service - do each of you do things for the other? Do you SHOW your partner that you love them? If your partner says they need something, do you do a Search for it and track it down?

4. Words of Affirmation - do you TELL your partner that you love and admire them, appreciate the things they do for you? Praise and encouragement for the things they are doing right?

5. Gifts - it’s always lovely and life-enriching to be given a gift, it’s a physical symbol of your thoughts and appreciation. I know nothing makes me squeal like a six year old than being told I'm going to get a present! lol

The successful relationships I have observed here, have been of couples working together - making a business, building, planning a future together. You have to share a common dream for this to happen though.

I'd like to open this up to our readers - what do you think? What have your experiences been of love in SL? Feel free to add your comments below.

I'm So Dumb!

Helo there,

dont be hard on me cos this is all new to me and i need advice. i only been here in sl for a cuple weeks and i just can't figger stuff out. i kkeep messin things up when i try to put on new outfits and i look like a real dweeb.

a frend of mine told me what you rote and they sed you myte be able to help me. is there a skool or somethen that can teach me how to do things? i keep bumpin into walls and fallen into water and my gurlfrend is gettin fed up with me not knowin how to use my thing properly and nuthin is working out rite.

i'me not much good at this computer stuff but since i met my gurlfrend i don't wanna miss out on anything you know?

i need help

My Dear Friend,

There is not one person in Second Life who hasn't felt the way you do now when they first got here - even me! I looked like a duck when I walked (or a drunken sailor or a troll); if there was water around, I was in it; and I spent so much time jamming myself into corners, that my nose got flattened.

I can't remember now which island you can't go back to - Help Island or Orientation Island - but go back to whichever one you can access and PRACTICE. Spend the next week learning stuff and acquiring knowledge.

My experience has been that people will always help you because we all understand how hard it was to start off with. If you have a problem - ASK SOMEONE. When all else fails - log off and come back in again.

One little handy hint I will give you: When your face or part of your body goes black, or your clothes are missing (the white outfit with the writing on it), then your avatar has become 'clogged' and needs a clean out. You do this by a REBAKE TEXTURES.

You access this through your CLIENT option (which may not be showing - the way to get it up on your top bar is to press CONTROL - ALT - D together (this will bring up CLIENT and SERVER).

Select CLIENT and a list of options will appear underneath. About halfway down is the option CHARACTER - select this and a sidebar of more options will appear. Down the bottom is REBAKE TEXTURES - select this. It will take a couple of seconds, but eventually your avatar will be 'spring cleaned' and showing up in all its glory again.

(Apparently you can also do this by going into EDIT - APPEARANCE but that makes a big production out of it, and if you want to just unobtrusively fix yourself up, the REBAKE TEXTURES is more discreet).

Another couple of handy hints is to use the SEARCH BAR in your Inventory. That will make it easier for you to find things - just type in SHOES or EYES or whatever it is that you are looking for. (You can even type in WORN and it will bring up a list of items that you are wearing - to make it easier for you to take them off).

But really, the solution is TIME and PRACTICE. There is a reason 'newbies' are treated so generously for their first month - we are all on a very steep learning curve for that time.

As for your girlfriend - if she ends up getting impatient - well, there are plenty more here! lol There are some magnificent women here whose purpose in life is to gently guide newbies to being suave playboy types. You never know your luck!

P.S. And if you do meet an especially helpful person, who doesn't mind spending time with you, ask them if you can put them on your FRIENDS LIST just in case you need any help in the future. (Right click on their avatar and then select ADD FRIEND).

And remember to have fun!

Not Much Of A Husband!

Dear Bella,

I am not happy. All my RL husband does is work and work which he has to do so we can try and make ends meet, but I am sick of being neglected. He works, does renovations and sleeps. What kind of marriage is that? I don't have any fun with him at all.

He said he would look after me when we got married but in my opinion he's not doing a very good job of it. Every time I buy something new, he complains; when he finally gets home from work he's tired and irritable and just falls asleep in the chair. He's been working on the house for months and not getting anywhere. I am on my own just about all the time.

He is not living up to his part of the marriage. He made a lot of promises to me and I'm still waiting for them to come true.

The only happiness I get is when I am in SL and now he's starting to bellyache about how much I'm spending in here. He doesn't realise that I will probably get rich before he does if I continue buying land here. I'm coming to the conclusion that he is holding me back. The way I feel now is that he's a loser.

I don't think we will ever get anywhere if I have to depend on him. But my problem is that if I leave now, before the house is finished, I will lose out financially and I need as much money as possible so I can buy more land in SL.

Which way should I jump? Wait for more money, or leave now so I can move forward, without being held back by him?

"I Wanna Fly"


Dear 'Wanna Fly',

By all means, move forward! Walk out that door and down the street and into the next sucker's house who will take you!

Your husband will thank me for giving you this advice, because then he will free of the shackles YOU and your wants have put on him!

Lady, you need three husbands to support you, not just one! One to cover the cost of providing you with the house you think you deserve; another one to keep you in clothes, hair, makeup and jewellery and a third husband just to keep you company.

It's women like you who turn good men off marriage. You want to eat a man's soul - shackle him to the work millstone for his entire life, just to satisfy your needs and desires. "Gimme" should be your middle name.

Didn't you read my definition of love a little while ago? "If you love someone, you want them to be happy; and if they love you, they want you to be happy. And that's where mutual compromise comes in." You obviously didn't see the part about your partner being happy as well.

As much as I adore Second Life, it is no substitute for spending time on your marriage/partnership. It is clear you are making a decision between 'love' and money. Poor old hubby is getting the heave-ho in preference to the riches you imagine you will make in this wonderful second life.

Good luck sweetie! Maybe you'll meet some poor schmuck here who shares your one-sided vision of what a marriage is. But then ... maybe I just caught you on a bad day, and you're really a honey.

Bella

Card Sharks Wants His Lucky Charm

Dear Bella,

My girlfriend thinks I have a gambling problem. She says that it is all I want to do. I like it and is fun, but it's more fun when she is with me.

How do I tell her? I want to gamble but I want her there too - she is my lucky charm.

I hate shopping and dancing and that's all she wants to do. Why can't she do that when I am not around and be my lucky charm while I gamble?

I bought her a house from my winnings and buy her gifts everytime too, but she thinks I have a problem, but I do it for her.
I could never afford to give her things if i didn't.

"Card Shark"

--------------

Dear "Card Shark",

Who are you trying to kid? "I do it for her." Ha!

You don't really expect me to say, "No, you don't have a problem - it's your girlfriend who has the problem" do you? LOL

Well actually, your girlfriend DOES have a problem - you! Gambling is the root of all evil, haven't you heard? Or is that money? Well, it comes down to the same thing. The obsessive desire to have more of it by playing games of chance, is the road to ruination for many.

You are lucky to have got a house out of it, I know someone who lost theirs!

This is a real dilemma - but I'm thinking the key words here are MODERATION and COMPROMISE.

You do realise don't you, that the relationship you have with your girlfriend, belongs to the two of you? Not just you?

You can't expect her to keep you company doing the things you like, and then not keep her company when she's doing the things she likes. Oh no, no, no, no, no. It doesn't work like that.

If you expect her to sit by your side doing something she really doesn't like for two, three, four, five hours ... you have to do the same for her. It's in the rules. There's no getting out of it.

If she is your lucky charm when you're gambling, you are her lucky charm (and wallet) when she's shopping - compromise will work well for both of you. And I don't know whether you've noticed or not - but dancing is an incredible turn on for women. Take her dancing and you'll both reap the rewards!

What Kind of Person Wants To Deny Their Partner Fun?

Dear Bella,

When I first got to SL i started making money camping as most do. I soon found that it was not enough for a living and fell into pole dancing. I loved it - it was so exciting and fun. I got to talk to so many peeps and learned a lot, but I also learned a lot about myself.

I liked being the center of attention. I liked flirting with customers (only flirting) and I learned that people like to be around me.

When my RL partner came to SL he hated me dancing. He got jealous and would sit by me and I felt embarressed by him being there. Then he asked me to marry him - "Great!" me thinks.

But then his next request was that I stop dancing. What do I do?

I love dancing and the compliments I get make me feel real again and so alive. But how do I deal with his jealousy? I feel so inhibited when he is around - he makes me feel I am doing something wrong.

Is it wrong to want to have fun or flirt? Please help. He said he would wait two days for my answer.

from 'Denied Fun'

.......

Dear 'Denied Fun',

You poor little darling. Strangling that pole night after night, struggling to make a living while that brute of a boyfriend wants you at home, all decked out in your beige cardigan knitting socks for him!

So, you like being the centre of attention sweetheart? Don't we all? I suspect that that's what he wants too - to be the centre of YOUR attention. But what does he offer in return? Does he scatter rose petals in your path when you get up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night? Does he give you a foot massage at the end of a tiring day? Does he buy you pretty little presents and leave them in surprising places for you to find?

What is he offering in return for you giving up all this lovely attention you get on the dance floor? You say that the compliments from strangers make you feel real again? My poor love - if this fiancee of yours isn't making you feel real and alive - he has to go!

Our spirits are too precious to be crushed by some killjoy glowering in the corner. But bear in mind dear girl, that age old saying, "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home." Anyone who makes you choose is invariably the one who will end up the loser.

Here is my personal definition of love:

"If you love someone, you want them to be happy. If they love you, they want you to be happy! It's from this mutual desire for our partner to be happy that compromises are made."

His two days are up!

MORALITY vs IMMORALITY IN SL

I HAVE BEEN IN SL FOR A SHORT TIME NOW and have had a RL and SL girlfriend here (same person). But just lately I have found myself wondering about the morality issue.

Do I play SL as a game, and act the massive multi-player? But if I do that, then I am not being me and 'someone else' is having the relationship, not me.

How many of you can say your avvie is not an extension of yourself? Do you find you get emotional? Do you find you want to know more about your partner in this virtual world? Do you feel strong ties to your partner? Is it just passion, or could it be love? Do you feel you are cheating on a partner in rl?

Could your handsome boyfriend actually be some girl sitting at home in a dirty old dressing gown? Having said that, do you both feel the need for more intimate contact? Is it you or your avvie that is having those feelings? Is your partner after the same things that you are - a release for their not-so-amazing-real-life? And if so, is it an immoral world?

I don't know the answers to these questions, but I would seriously think to see what other people think on this issue.

'Perplexed and Distressed'

Dear Boy,

You are obviously overwhelmed with all these new experiences in Second Life - a world where emotion and feelings predominate. Is it that your emotions are in overdrive? I know this can be a frightening experience for a man.

But stay calm - the more you do it, the better you'll get at it. You will also come to realise that trust is also an important part of the SL experience. In a lot of ways, it's irrelevant whether we are male or female, old or young, fat or skinny - we are expressing our 'pure' personality - the essence of our souls in here.

Really, it's all quite simple. Just follow your heart. Unless you are a psychopath, your heart will be your best guide.

You also sound as though you are having quite an identity crisis. It's always amazed me that we can sometimes find ourselves in a place where we think, "I don't know who I am!" If you can't work out that your avatar and you are one and the same person, then you are in big trouble!

When I came into SL, I was surprised what a tart I was! I took on several lovers and had the time of my life (thanks boys!) What I found, is that in my RL I became far more contented and fulfilled because I was expressing an aspect of my personality I was too shy to express in RL.

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART - it won't steer you wrong. If you heart says, "Gimme, gimmme, gimme - I want this person!" then oblige it. Fall into that delicous pool of love without any hesitation.

Give yourself up entirely to the experience of love - drink freely from the goblet. "Make love, not war!" And by that, I mean war with yourself.

As for your moral dilemma about being 'a player' - as long as any partners you take on know that you have other sexual relationships that are important to you, I don't see the problem.

You ask, "Do you find you want to know more about your partner in this virtual world?" as though it's not a normal thing! I should hope that you would want to know the person you are having sex with! If you don't, you should leave some money on the bedside table as you leave.

Express your personality without any inhibition - and write to me again in a month!

Hopefully our readers will share some of their experiences here, so you will feel more confident that what you are feeling and thinking is perfectly normal.

Perplexed, this is one hell of a ride - I wouldn't miss it for the world. Enjoy!

Love Cheat? Or Mommy's Boy?

Dear Bella the Wise

Hope you can help me... my RL mother has recently joined SL. She TPed to the house I share with my partner where she caught me having sex with a busty blonde (my partner is a petite brunette). She now thinks that I'm cheating on my partner whom she likes a lot. I can't bring myself to tell her that the blonde was in fact my partner's alt and she was giving me a titillating treat for the night.

I don't want my partner to look like a cheap floozy and wish to protect her from embarrassment. But at the same time I can't bear the thought of my mother seeing me as a love cheat. What should I do?

Regards,
My Heart is True

Deart "My Heart Is True",

Mmmm ... What I want to know is why a grown man brings his mommy to Second Life in the first place? Separation anxiety maybe?

Well dear boy, if you're going to give your mother a landmark to your house, make sure it's out in the garden ... or better still, out at the front gate! She'll just have to shout from there.

When I was a young blushing bride, my father assumed we were "at it" non stop and whenever he came to visit, he used to throw rocks on the roof to let us know he was coming down the path.

Now ... as far as worrying whether your mother thinks you're a cheating b****** or your partner is a floozy ...

I suspect she'd rather think of you as a cheating b****** and your dear partner as still the lovely girl she is.

Please don't hesitate to write again, if you have any other similar moral dilemmas.

Bella The Wise

P.S. Drop a notecard into my inventory on what the "titillating delight" was! I didn't get this wise by not exploring all the avenues of the 'loving art'.

Wise Advice Will come soon :)

Welcome to the paper Bella :)